The Ransom Note

The Ransom Note

You are the unwritten ending that I just can’t seem to write. A white band that just won’t fade around my left ring finger. The story I am always left to tell at the end of the night, patiently waiting at the bottom of every martini straight-up. You are The Killers on blast with the car pulled over next to the most stunning hot pink and flaming orange sunset over a frozen lake. The Scottish last name friends question when my debit card is handed back to me after splitting the check. A titanium ring a few sizes too big tied into your navy scrubs. The four letters that still appear at the end of ‘Sherman’ on all of my interviews from back then. You are a slow dance in bare feet in our bedroom. The only one who could ever match my smile and obnoxious laughter with his own. A ghost next to me on the ferris wheel. You are the extra bubbles in my blueberry bubble tea, the platinum ring that still effortlessly slides over my finger five years later. A box of red velvet donuts from LaMar’s on the nightstand when I wake up. Tears in my eyes and my teeth biting my bottom lip as The Goo Goo Dolls come on stage. Plush hotel robes hugging us as we devour our room service in Banff. You are half of my first company.

You are my heart before it was shattered into a broken mess of unrecognizable pieces that the remaining ones struggle to put back together. My innocence before I lost my soul. The meanest letter I have ever written. The tear stains on love letters long thrown away, but not forgotten. My first that I wish was my last.

Will you wander here someday? Turn up announced with some things you just have to say?

Tell me your heart still lives in an abandoned meditation chapel of a red brick church in the Midwest. Forgive the worst. Remind me what it feels like to unconditionally love. Show me who I was before I left half of myself in a shattered apartment downtown.

Let’s pay this ransom and get us back. Let’s challenge this world like we always have. Let’s prove love overcomes all, even two broken lovers who lost their minds in the deep December freeze of the Midwest.

Find me.

<3 M.

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The Self-Portrait