The Approval From The Child Within

The Approval From The Child Within

I’m wearing a white ruched dress exposing my two watercolor panda bears on my ivory chest. A rose gold bar hangs gently in the center of my collarbone with letters and symbols that only mean something to me(you.) My strawberry blonde hair has slightly grown out from my chemo, tucked messily under a 50’s style short white lace veil. Both of my dimples are deep as I turn to look at your crooked smile that has kept me company so many times during 3 AM breakdowns. Your amber eyes reflect the pinks and oranges of the sun setting over our reception. They are the same eyes that have seen me through a night I was drugged during a night out dancing, a hospital stay in the city and a cross-country move to the Midwest. They are dancing with sparkles as they reflect my own shimmering teal eyes. At the top of the stone steps leading down to white chairs and tables holding all of our favorite foods from the city (dumplings, martinis, meatballs, black and white cookies, hot chocolate from that place in SoHo,) you take my bony hand in yours. I can feel the cool platinum of your ring on my sweaty palm.

I lift my dress with my free hand to show you my something blue sewn underneath the fabric. It’s part of an envelope from the very first card you ever gave me. Part of your handwriting is still on it in thick, black ink. You grin, your own right dimple showing. You lift up your pants to show me your panda socks that I bought you in San Diego when we first started dating. I crinkle my nose like I do when I’m the happiest, and start giggling.

Our gazes move to the sun setting on the Rocky Mountains that were the backdrop to my childhood. In a moment, a chubby blonde curly-haired little girl who resembles a porcelain doll tugs on my dress. She smiles and nods, looking at you, and then starts giggling. Her cheeks turn bright red and her teal eyes light up. She then looks at me one more time, smiles a smile laced with thankfulness, and then disappears back into the mountains.

I know you saw her, because the moment her silhouette disappears, you lead us to take our first step as one soul, forever together, literally into the sunset.

<3 M.

The Statue

The Statue

The Infil-traitor

The Infil-traitor