The Beauty In The Ash

The Beauty In The Ash

When I was 23, I wore a short white dress to dinner with my Mom at The Breakers,

to celebrate our time together during my visit from New York City.

I dreamed one day that I would get married in that dress,

And use the same diamond band around my middle finger as my wedding ring.

Two years later I wore that exact dress with a 50s style short lace veil, 

And asked you if you were scared or nervous as we walked without an entourage.

You turned around and said that this was the one thing in life you were sure about,

And took my hand in yours as my heels echoed throughout the parking garage.

We snuck into the back of the church like two school children,

Everyone staring at us and lighting up when they realized what occasion we were dressed for.

My red-headed intern I hired for the summer greeted us at the door,

His mother handed me a modern bouquet comprised of three roses that matched what I wore.

A tear escaped my heavily black lined eye as I saw the small meditation room,

The space I had meticulously chosen for us to say I do.

Simple white candles framed the three iconic stained glass windows,

And our Irish pastor stood perfectly in the middle waiting for us to make our debut.

You kissed me and then walked to the end of the aisle to make me forever yours,

While my intern pressed 'play' on the old CD player to play 'Canon in D'.

The five people in the room watched me, giving me my cue,

And my legs shook as I walked on the dark carpet, you all I could see.

You paused on the vows regarding fidelity, forgetting what to say,

And everyone began giggling, and I joked that we might need to breakup.

When it was my turn, I paused before I said I would be faithful to you,

Wanting to get you back for your own slip up.

We smiled with our eyes at each other, just the two of us taking vows,

Just how we prayed to get married one day, our own creators.

You slipped that same diamond band that used to don my middle finger onto my left hand,

Making me yours forever and always, all of our imperfections and quirks. 

I slipped the ring I bought in a rush since we decided days before to elope onto your finger,

Which you went onto to tie onto your scrubs while you were performing surgery at work.

We kissed and my intern's family took a million iPhone photos,

One becoming our official wedding photo on Instagram three days later.

We signed the certificate with our witnesses,

And then mailed it from the hospital you worked at to make sure it arrived safely. 

We then went to dinner at our favorite Thai restaurant,

Everyone staring at the newlyweds like we were crazy. 

Four years past and I still cannot hate that memory,

Even after all that has happened, when we were no longer brand new. 

It was the perfect wedding and the exact way I dreamed of getting married,

A memory untarnished by the destruction of us, the loss of you. 

Some moments in life are so insatiable, so beautiful, so movie-like,

You cannot escape them, you don't want to escape them, you want to rehash. 

They survive the burning fire that destroys everything in its path,

Reminding you that life is incredibly beautiful, even if it does turn to ash.

<3 M.

 

 

The Sunday School Lesson

The Sunday School Lesson

The Vacancy

The Vacancy