I sit down to write this this afternoon full of so much love from all of you that I feel like I am going to cry. I literally have goosebumps from the overwhelming amount of love and support that has poured in since I announced my two surgeries last week. I originally wanted to write first of the wrongdoings at the hospital I was at, but after the love and light that has poured into my life both on and offline this week, that all seems so insignificant right now. You have reminded me of who I am, the strength within in me, and that my story is not over yet. To that, I am forever grateful. A special thank you absolutely has to go out to my boyfriend who dropped absolutely everything in his life to spend every second of everyday in the hospital with me, and has now officially seen me at my bitchiest and grimiest ;) When I am healthier, expect a full post on how I witnessed and experienced true love thanks to him. It's not the first post out of the gate because we are private about our relationship and it will take some time for me to feel comfortable writing publicly about how just much of a beautiful, kind, generous, man he is. Today, I just want to spend some time explaining at a high-level what happened and a few things I have learned through the process of being on complete, utter bedrest. So here it goes...
God's Got You
Oh my, has He got you. I have been incredibly fortunate to have pastors visit me during my time of bedrest and one shared with me the most perfect Bible quote, "The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness." Psalm 41:3. Your inability to have full control of your life while you lay in bed is undeniably a message from God. Listen to it. Sometimes when we have to control every faucet of our life, the great things God has planned for us have trouble getting through. Stop worrying, and know that God is healing you and using this time to build even a stronger version of yourself.
It's Okay To Ask For Help
I'm stubborn and often times feel weak if I end up having to ask someone for help. However, with stitches across my abdomen and side I've had no choice but to ask for help. I can't bend down to pick something up, reach high to get something, or do pretty much anything that requires abdominal strength (which, come to find out, is A LOT of stuff!). This has led me to reach out to the community around me and let them help. I've experienced a joy on a completely different level from the visits and kind gestures people have made over the past week. When you don't let people help you, you're missing out on a crucial opportunity to strengthen relationships and build trust.
Time With Yourself Is IMPORTANT
You need to give yourself the time you deserve with YOURSELF. I used to always have time to myself, but with the past year of being in a relationship and meeting so many amazing people in South Florida, it's been hard to actually carve out that time for myself. This forced alone time has made me realize how important it is to spend time with yourself in order to gain perspective, make rational decisions and appreciate who you are.
Some People Suck, & That's Okay
There's an interesting dynamic when someone gets sick where there is a small percentage of society that is just hell bent on proving that that person is, indeed, not sick. And, let me tell you, those people will find you even after you've had two surgeries and have some decent battle scars to show for them. It's okay. Don't focus on the people determined to tear you down; focus on the people giving you so much love and accept their light. Negative energy will only stop you from healing, and there are way too many positives in live to let it creep in when you are vulnerable. Be strong. Let the only the light in.
You Are Loved More Than You Ever Will Know
This is an important one for me because sometimes at the end of a long day when it seems that everyone is taking and no one seems to be giving, I forget that there are people in my life that truly care about me and love me. I'm so busy on focusing on everything going wrong that I fail to let the love in and appreciate those surrounding me. During this time I've rediscovered so many friendships and have realized how I need to spend more time giving love back and finding ways to help those that so graciously have helped me.
It's important to keep a positive attitude in times of hardship, especially when we feel like we have (literally) been knocked on our backs. Instead of using the time to steam over mean people and asking questions like, 'Why me?', why not use the time to see why God has you in this time of rest?
- Marji J. Sherman